


the Peanut gallery

by 1500birds



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drama, F/F, High School, Humanstuck, Underage Drinking, they're seniors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 05:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2417201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1500birds/pseuds/1500birds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TT: Wait.<br/>TT: Do you like a girl?<br/>GG: Um<br/>GG: I think so.<br/>TT: And you’re confused, because you’ve never liked any other girls?<br/>GG: Correct.<br/>TT: You know, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay.<br/>TT: Sometimes you just fall for different people.<br/>TT: The heart doesn't give a fuck about gender, Jane.<br/>GG: Okay…<br/>TT: So now I have to do the only thing a friend would do in this situation and ask: Who is it?<br/>GG: You can’t tell.<br/>TT: I won’t.<br/>GG: Roxy.</p><p>You’re name is Jane Crocker and being confused about your sexuality seems to be a thing that runs in the family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the Peanut gallery

GG: Hey, Dirk?  
TT: Yeah?  
GG: I think I need your advice :B  
TT: Okay  
TT: What’s up?  
GG: I  
GG: um  
GG: so  
GG: You’re gay.  
TT: I don’t prefer labels, but for the sake of this conversation, I think I’ll just say…  
TT: Yes, I am, what of it?  
GG: Um, how did you know?  
TT: I don’t really know how to explain it, to be honest.  
TT: I could just kinda… feel it, I guess.  
TT: Why are you asking?  
GG: I have a crush on someone…  
TT: Jake. I know.  
GG: No, not Jake.  
GG: I mean I did, before.  
GG: But not anymore.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Wait.  
TT: Do you like a girl?  
GG: Um  
GG: I think so.  
TT: And you’re confused, because you’ve never liked any other girls?  
GG: Correct.  
TT: You know, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay.  
TT: Sometimes you just fall for different people.  
TT: The heart doesn't give a fuck about gender, Jane.  
GG: Okay…  
TT: So now I have to do the only thing a friend would do in this situation and ask: Who is it?  
GG: You can’t tell.  
TT: I won’t.  
GG: Roxy.

You’re name is Jane Crocker and being confused about your sexuality seems to be a thing that runs in the family.

* * *

 

You’ve thought that Roxy Lalonde was gorgeous ever since you first met her. She and Dirk went to a different middle school, and you first saw her at the cross country competition between all the schools of your district. Your cousin Jade was running, and therefore pit against Roxy.

She was stretching when you walked up to her to give her a water bottle. You were on the medical team, on duty to make sure the racers were ready. It was impossible to not take in her long, pale legs, made paler with sunscreen, and her tiny hips. She snapped upright even though she had her back to you, and twirled on her heel to face you with a sloppy little grin on her face that distracted you while she took the water bottle.

“Thank ya, buttercup,” she said before taking a swig of the water. Her voice was lilting and had a whisp of a southern accent, reminding you of your brother’s best friend.

“Anything else I can get you before the race?” you asked, as you were instructed to do.

“An umbrella,” she said.

“But… it’s sunny, there’s no rain coming.”

She just winked and laughed and turned back around and got in position on the starting line.

* * *

She tripped and crashed into the pavement in all her bony glory ten yards from the finish line. Your cousin, who was toe-to-toe with her, skidded to a halt and helped Roxy off to the sidelines while some douche took first place. As per your job, you jogged up to Jade and helped get Roxy to the medical tent, where you began getting the dirt out of her shredded knees.

You were wrapping up her bloody palm  when it started pouring down rain.

“Told ya,” she said, with the same wink and grin.

* * *

 You realized you were a little attracted to her when you kissed her in 9th grade. You had a massive crush on Jake English, the transfer student living with your cousin, and he had asked you to go to a dance with him. That night you ended up laying on Roxy’s obscenely huge bed, stressing out with anxiety, with the girl sitting beside you, petting your hair.

“What do I do?” you groaned. “I don’t even know how to dance.”

“Neither does he,” Roxy said simply.

“I’ve never even been on a date. What if he wants to hold hands and stuff? My hands get sweaty really quick!”

“Chop them off. Can’t get sweaty if they’re not attached.”

“Roxy, what if he wants to kiss me? I don’t know how to kiss!”

“It’s okay, everyone is bad their first time. I was a pretty crappy kisser at first. Wait, no, I was pretty good, but that’s not the point.”

“That’s it!” You sat up quickly, leaving Roxy to stare at you in shock and confusion. “You can teach me!”

“Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea…” she said slowly and awkwardly, but you didn’t notice that, or the way she didn’t quite meet your eyes.

“Of course it is, Roxy! Then Jake will really like me!”

She looks unhappy, but nonetheless she relents, and you shift so you’re facing her more comfortably. That’s when you pause, blush, and look away slightly.

“What?” she asks.

“Just… nervous.”

“Let me lead.”

And then Roxy Lalonde put her finger under your chin, her other hand on your shoulder, pulled you closer, tilted her head, and kissed you gently.

* * *

 She held you as you sniffled in the bathroom at school, because you found out that stupid Jake didn’t ask you to the dance romantically, just as friends. He only asked you at all because you were his closest female friend other than Jade, and she already had a date. Roxy didn’t say anything, and when the dance came around, she was the one you danced with all night.

* * *

 You realized you were a lot more attracted to her than one straight girl should be attracted to her best friend at 1:30 in the morning in the latter end of your junior year of high school. Roxy was a little bit drunk, and that was probably why she had decided that dancing in the most sensual way possible against you was a good idea.

“Having fun, Janey?” she whispered into your ear, her arm around your shoulders, her bony hips pressed against yours, and a drink in her free hand.

“We should leave,” you said awkwardly.

She doesn’t quite look at you when she smiles sadly. “Yeah. I wanna go home, Janey.” You realized she had a tear running down her face.

The passage of half an hour landed you at her house, tucking her into her bed. She smiled sleepily up at you and you kissed her forehead.

You slept on the floor.

* * *

You realized you had fallen for her, hard, when some boy kept flirting with her relentlessly for a few days. When she actually considered accepting his offer of a date, you felt a flash of fury, and that night was when you messaged Dirk.

* * *

 

TT: Woah.  
TT: I didn’t actually see that coming.  
GG: Do you think I did? :B  
TT: True.  
TT: You should tell her.  
GG: No way!  
TT: Why?  
TT: Come on, Jane, it’s not like she’ll stop being your friend.  
TT: It’s either that, or you let it sit inside you and fester and grow and long story short: it sucks.  
GG: But  
GG: Even if she doesn’t stop being my friend, things could get awkward.  
GG: And she’ll just think of me weird and not talk to me about stuff, like the boys she likes, because she’s so sweet and she’ll worry about how it'll make me feel.  
TT: Well  
TT: Actually  
GG: What?  
TT: Hold on I’m breaking the brocode here  
TT: I’m about to tell you things told in utmost confidentiality.  
GG: ??  
TT: Did you just casually not notice that she, oh, doesn’t talk about boys?  
GG: Dirk stop beating around the bush.  
TT: Roxy doesn’t like guys.  
TT: She’s into chicks.  
TT: Dated one last year, actually.  
TT: That Pyrope girl.  
GG: What??  
GG: She never told me!  
TT: Yeah, I know, and for the same reason that you won’t tell her how you feel now.  
TT: She was scared of what you’d think.  
GG: Oh.  
GG: OH.  
TT: Easy there. I can hear the gears churning from all the way over here.  
GG: I gotta talk to her!  
TT: Obviously.  
GG: Thank you!

* * *

You don’t even call her, you just jump on your bike and start pedaling as fast as you can to Roxy’s house. In twenty minutes you’re sweaty, breathless, and wondering why you didn’t take your car, but you’re outside of Roxy’s house and that’s all that matters. Just as you always do, you run up her front walkway and shove open her front door, walking briskly down the entrance hall and into the living room.

And then you stop. And then you regret walking away from your computer.

Because Roxy Lalonde has one leg tossed over your cousin Jade’s lap and is kissing her full and hard on the lips.

“Oh,” you say dumbly, and Roxy pulls away from Jade quickly to look at you.

“Jane?” she sputters, and Jade whips around to stare at you in shock, her ears and cheeks reddening.

“Sorry,” you hear yourself saying. “I didn’t realize you were… sorry.” You turn and begin walking back down the hall.

“Shit,” Roxy mutters behind you and you hear her stumble a bit as she starts following you. “Jane, hold up.”

“I should go home.” You’re too brain-numb to really say anything about why you were even there.

“Look, we should really talk about this,” she insists, catching your wrist as you reach for her front door. She sounds like she’s about to start crying. “I know I didn’t tell you-”

You turn and put on a smile and she does have tears in her eyes. “It’s fine, Roxy,” you say, before you walk out of that house.

But nothing is fine.

* * *

TT: Oh.  
TT: Fuck.

Now you’re back at your laptop, having recounted the story to Dirk and crying in front of the screen.

GG: Yeah fuck god damn it  
TT: Maybe you should try to calm down.  
GG: How the bloody hell am I supposed to calm down Dirk  
TT: Deep breaths.  
GG: Fuck you  
GG: I thought I had a chance  
GG: JADE of all people  
TT: Yeah, that’s rough.  
GG: She’s my COUSIN Dirk  
TT: I know.  
GG: I  
GG: actually thought she might like me  
GG: Me  
GG: I’m so dumb.  
TT: No, you’re not.  
TT: I mean if it means anything, she did.  
TT: Last I checked.  
TT: She would always rave about how cute you are and wish she could tell you and this is probably making all this worse  
GG: Yeah it kind of is.  
TT: Sorry.  
GG: Shit she just sent me a message.  
TT: I’ll wait.

* * *

TG: Jane, I know you must be angry or confused about what you saw. I should have told you a long time ago that I’m gay. I hope that this doesn’t hurt our friendship, but if you wish to end it, or just need space, I understand. I’m sorry.

* * *

GG: She thinks I’m just freaking out because she’s gay  
TT:Huh.  
GG: I’m ignoring it for now.  
TT: That’s a good idea. Clear your head.  
GG: God damn it Jade just messaged me too.  
TT: Out of curiosity, does your family know Jade is pansexual?  
GG: Yeah.  
GG: I mean, they call her bisexual.  
GG: They didn’t get the whole more than three sexualities thing.  
TT: Understandable.  
GG: Hold on a moment, I’m gonna read it.

* * *

GG: hey jane i wanted to say i’m sooo sorry about today :((( i know she’s your best friend so i hope this isn’t going to be awkward?? just please talk to her because she really cares about you :(

* * *

TT: Rox is messaging me now  
GG: And?  
TT: She’s absolutely hysterical.  
TT: And I think she’s drunk.  
GG: Shit.  
TT: I should go. I don’t trust her to be alone so I’m going to go to her house.  
GG: Okay.

* * *

You look at the clock. You got back from Roxy’s at 6:50, and now it’s 7:42. You decide to call it a night and go to bed.

* * *

TG: jaen  
TG: im so sorru  
TG plz forguv me  
TG: e csn still bej friends irhgt  
TG: im fuckijg sorry  
TG: pkeasd  
TG: pleas

* * *

Roxy misses homeroom the next day, and while you’re a little relieved, you’re also worried sick. You pass Rose in the halls, but she’s with her girlfriend so you don’t ask where her sister is. Dirk is there when you walk into math class, and you take your usual seat next to him.

“Have you seen Roxy?” you ask him as you take out your notebook.

“No, but she texted me to tell me she was just late. Hangovers, y’know?” He taps his pencil impatiently on his desk, like he does every day while he waits for class to start.

You nod and promptly focus on the teacher.

* * *

You finally see Roxy at the end of the day in your Sociology class, slumped at your usual table with her scarf covering her eyes. Cautiously, you sit down and watch her for some sort of acknowledgement.

“Hey, Roxy,” you say quietly, when she doesn’t move, and Roxy visibly jumps. She sits up straight and pulls her scarf down, her eyes wide and nervous.

“Jane, hey, hi, uh, how are you?”

It’s rare for Roxy to stammer, and it makes you chuckle. “I’m fine. Look, I wanted to tell you that I’m fine with your sexuality, okay? And I’m just sad you didn’t tell me sooner.”

Relief washes over Roxy’s face. “Oh, thank God. I was so damn scared- and what about, uh, Jade? She… kinda asked me out, but I didn’t want to say yes unless you’re okay with it.”

You feel like she just punched you in the chest. “She asked you out?”

“Yeah. But if you’re not okay with it I’ll just say no! Jade will be totally cool with it I already told her that your opinion decided it.” She’s looking at you with those doe eyes, wide and concerned, and any conviction you may have had just dissipates.

“It’s… fine,” you force out, trying to make sure you don’t betray your real emotions. “Go ahead and say yes.”

Roxy can obviously tell that there’s something wrong- you can see it in her eyes. But then the teacher starts class, and she doesn’t say anything.

You should’ve said something.

Your name is Jane Crocker, and you can feel a hole in your chest telling you that you just lost your chance at a really good thing.


End file.
